


Hawkguy drabbles

by cakesandpuppies (someonesaveme)



Category: Avengers Assemble (Cartoon), Hawkeye (Comics), Marvel, Marvel (Comics), Marvel 616, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Asexual Kate Bishop, Deaf Clint Barton, HAWKEYES - Freeform, M/M, Multi, Other, Partnership, Past Child Abuse, Platonic Life Partners, Protective Clint Barton, Protective Kate Bishop, Team Dynamics, and not just sexuality, because clint may be a mess, because that boy has a mean streak when it comes to his loved ones, but he's her mess, clint and steve have a thing, hawkeye squared, i ship amerihawk ok, kate will def be in a lot of these, leave me alone, like everything, questioning clint barton, so will steve, who still has sex on occasion
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-02
Updated: 2015-04-05
Packaged: 2018-03-20 16:53:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,859
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3658014
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/someonesaveme/pseuds/cakesandpuppies
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Quick little things usually focusing on Clint.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

* * *

 

1\. in which clint tells no one he's deaf because he's a self-depreciating dummy sometimes, but these kinds of secrets don't stay secret for long

* * *

 

Clint doesn't figure he has to tell anyone. After all, he's on the Avengers. He's one of Earth's mightiest. He's not about to go up to Captain freaking America and whine about some boo-boo he had (even if said boo-boo was caused by him falling, like, 5 stories onto a car and left him almost all the way deaf). 

Besides, Clint's known he'd be deaf one day ever since his old man landed him in the hospital by smashing his head against a table. Then there was that time he wrecked them again with the sonic arrowhead trying to save Bobbi so. It's whatever.

Except it's not whatever. Clint can feel the difference, hell, anyone would feel the difference. His left ear's completely shot without an aide and his right can only make out every other word or so. He can hardly stand upright for a whole week, the vertigo is so bad because that's what happens when you futz up your inner ear. This won't do. He needs time to recover. Time to acclimate. He can't go one like this. The Avengers have to know.

So, of course, Clint says absolutely nada to no one.

* * *

 

Kate, naturally, knows. She's the one that insists on him going to an ENT to check if his ruptured eardrum is going to cause an infection, if there's any treatment, where the best places are to get fitted for aides, etc, etc. She's the one that keeps him in bed because  _no, Clint, you can hardly turn your head without feeling nauseous get the futz back in bed_.

She even insists on Clint giving her ASL lessons.

" _I'm futzing sick of wildly gesturing to get my point across and I hate this blackboard, it leaves stains on my_ _clothes_ ," Kate writes out on a little blackboard, holding up a chalk stained sleeve for Clint to see.

Clint smiles and signs that he doesn't know what he'd do without her. Then, when she asks what that meant, he tells her that maybe she'd know by the end of her lessons. 

* * *

 

Natasha and Bobbi just know. It could be a scary spy thing, but it could just be that one is his best friend/long time coworker and the other is his ex-wife/close friend/trusted ally. Either way, they know. And Clint knows they know. None of them say anything, but it's okay. They know Clint and they know he's not going to say anything until the situation blows up in his face and that's fine with all three of them. 

* * *

 

See, Clint and Wanda have the kind of friendship where Wanda goes shopping and Clint plays pack-mule. Or Wanda goes to see a play and drags Clint along as her plus one. 

"Wasn't that last bit so sad, Clint? He loved her and she just..."

"Huh? Oh. Yeah, witchie, sure."

He looks down at his feet and starts shuffle-walking.

"Clint?" Wanda asks, "You were paying attention to the play, weren't you?"

And Clint was. Despite popular belief, Clint actually likes the theater. Something about the show and the lights and the makeup and the dancing. And, well, you can take a boy out of the circus...

Clint was even paying extra attention this play. Reading lips is a skill he hasn't had to hone in a long time so he had to be vigilant; so he had sat extra straight and squinted extra hard. And Wanda had seen him. 

But it wasn't any good, he wasn't fast enough to keep up with the words being thrown around. And all he could make out of the orchestra was the drums and the extra-loud suspense music. And honestly? Despite the rumors, Clint does not actually have super-vision. He's got pretty kick-ass vision, but it's in no way super. And it's definitely not good enough to make out every word onstage from an audience point of view, even from the front row. Maybe, like, every fourth or fifth word.

At least the dance numbers were entertaining...

Now, let it never be said that Wanda Maximoff is a dummy. Or that she doesn't know her friends. Wanda knew something was off the second they exited the theater. Usually, the moment the play ends, Clint is off. The play was amazing! That was terrible! Did you see this and that? We used to do a stunt like that in the carnie! Betcha I could have done so and so move. 

But today, he's silent as a mouse and looking that special Clint Barton breed of dejected and cornered.

If Wanda were any lesser woman, she'd back off knowing that Clint tends to lash out emotionally when upset, but she is the Scarlet Witch. And this is her friend. Her sad little friend who was one of the first to forgive her when she first returned, despite the fact that he had every reason to be one of the very last to even talk to her. How could she not at least try?

"Clint," Wanda tries again when she receives no answer to her earlier question. 

She puts a hand on his shoulder and he whips his head up.

"Oh, heh. Sorry, Wands. Guess I'm a bit out of it today, didja say something?"

"I asked if you liked the play."

Wanda wonders why Clint's looking at her lips so intensely. For a second, she's afraid he's going to try and kiss her. But Clint stays silent and doesn't move for a while, and Wanda is almost certain she sees him silently mouthing some words to himself.

"Yeah," Clint says after about 5 seconds of silence, "Yeah, I, uh, liked it a lot. It was pretty great. Nice-um-dialogue."

"And the music?"

"Music? Music was great. Loved the music. It's cold though isn't it? Here," Clint slips his jacket over Wanda, "Let's get a cab, yeah?"

Now Wanda's alarmed. Usually Clint Barton can't get enough of his friends. He'd pester and pester until whoever he's out with agrees to go get dinner or train or rent a terrible movie or walk his dog with him. Then again, usually Clint Barton is the world's biggest music critic. 

But Wanda knows she's not getting anything out of Clint Barton tonight. Lashing out or mouthing off means he's about ready to crack. Silent and distant means he's not even close. And this? This is silent and distant behavior 101. 

* * *

 

Thor is... concerned. 

He was bellowing Hawkeye's name up and down the tower this afternoon to see if his friend would be willing to train. He even sent out a message on the intercom system, but upon receiving no reply, Thor just surmised that his friend had gone home for the day. However, upon entering the lounge, he had realized that wasn't the case as Clint sat right there, cleaning his bow.

"Clint! Why did you not answer my calls?" Thor had asked.

Clint looked confused for a second before slowly looking around. He had smiled when he saw Thor.

"Thor, buddy! What's up? Were you looking for me?"

Carol was also in the lounge at the time and, upon hearing his question, looked incredulously at Clint.

"Clint," Carol said, "did you not hear him screaming for you? Or the very loud announcement over the intercom?"

"Wh-what?" Clint asked, going a bit pale as he did, "Oh. No, um, must've missed it. What did you need, big guy?"

"My friend," Thor said, "Are you well?"

Clint looked confused for a little bit. He seemed to squint at Thor across the room, as if he didn't understand the question.

"Yeah, you okay, Barton?" Carol asked from her spot next to Clint.

"Fine," Clint told her, "Peachy. Hey Thor, wanna train?"

And Thor had agreed to train, but even then, something seemed off. Clint moved like he was in pain, and he moved tentatively. Like he was compensating for something. And when Thor yelled for him to dodge left, he only did at the last minute. Eventually, Clint called off the training session. Which only worried Thor all the more. Clint Barton never quit until it was obvious to all that he had to. Thor had once marveled at his stubbornness, called it a strength of character. Steve had insisted on Thor never telling Clint that, although all could tell that Steve agreed with the assessment. So for him to back out after only about two hours of training...

So Thor is...concerned.

* * *

 Steve's known something's up with Clint the second Clint called in 3 1/2 weeks worth of vacation days. 

Clint  _never_ calls in vacation days. Ever. 

He could literally be bleeding out of every pore on his body and Steve's convinced he'd still drag his ass in to shoot his arrows and be an Avenger. 

So yeah. Clint? Vacation? Never.

Being an Avenger means a lot to all of them, but Steve knows that it means more than 'a lot' to Clint. Maybe that's why they always manage to find themselves together despite the fact that Clint would fight him on almost everything. Mostly everything. Actually, everything.

Clint wouldn't miss a day, let alone 3 1/2 weeks. 

And since he came back, he's been quiet and closed off and slow to respond. And his aim's been off. A tiny bit to the left.

The aim thing gets better and better every time Steve sees him, and Steve figures it'll be back to perfect aim in about a week, but still... for Hawkeye? Worrying. 

Then there's all the meds Steve keeps spotting in Clint's gym bag (so sue him, he's curious). Antibiotics and concussion mediation mostly. Clint always has some antibiotics in his bag (being a human made of flesh and blood on a team that goes out looking for trouble from gods and space dictators), but this is way more than Steve ever remembers him having at once. 

He's also been depressed. Really depressed.

So Steve knows something's up. But Clint's been disappearing from the tower at seemingly random times, and when he is at the tower, he avidly avoids company. 

Natasha knows where he's going, but good luck getting anything out of her.

Thor is as clueless as Steve is.

Logan might know or he might not care.

Peter is Clint's regular drinking buddy, but Clint's been avoiding him too, apparently. Sam is on the same boat. 

Jessica seems to have some idea, but she's not talking either.

Carol and Wanda are as worried as Steve.

And Tony's... working on it. Not at all by Steve's request. No. Captain America would never interfere in the lives of his teammates like that. He'd also never imply to the resident genius that it's not completely unacceptable to try and hack into government locked SHIELD files to get what they need. Especially since that would be such a  **huge** invasion of privacy and Clint would throw a fit if he knew they-Tony-had attempted it. He'd never. 

Except that  **Steve Rogers** is really worried about one of his closest friends and really, who could stop Tony anyways? So it's not actually his fault. 

* * *

 

"Aw man," Clint mutters under his breath, "brand new hearing aids! Brand new. Ruined."

Clint's been avoiding putting them in while at the Tower (which isn't often lately, between avoiding almost everyone and going to doctor's appointments that Kate insists he keep showing up for) to avoid the others finding out, but he's not a complete idiot. Forgoing his hearing in the middle of battle? Yeah. Right. 

SHIELD gave him these cool modified ones that still allow him to use the comms. They also work underwater, in space, and have a built in GPS and recording device. Clint drew the line when SHIELD tried to install an AI though. He's not Stark for futz sake. 

So, naturally, the first major mission he feels okay enough to go on, this villain knocks out all electronics in the area.

Is there an award for actually having the worst luck in the universe? 

Clint does feel better knowing that he's still more useful than Tony, who is grounded and stuck in the suit and complaining about it. Clint doesn't even need to hear him to know he's complaining about it, one look at Carol's face as she rushes Iron Man from the battlefield lets anyone know exactly how annoying he's being. 

However, the problem at hand is that he's pretty sure Cap's gesturing wildly at him and Clint can't make a word out right now. 

"What?!" Clint yells, shooting out the knees of the HYDRA guys making a run for the left exit, "hang on!"

Clint makes a move towards the rest of the team and even with his shitty ears he can faintly hear a panicked "NO!" come from all of them. And then the ground under him explodes. 

* * *

 

"Have you forgotten what a pressure plate is, Hawkeye?! It means don't move! Why the hell would you move after I just told you you were standing on a  **bomb**?! What were you thinking, Clint?!" 

It's really quite an experience, having Captain America flip shit at you while you lay there with three broken ribs and a dislocated knee, ranting and pacing. It's an experience Clint feels others that are not him should have a chance to enjoy. Sadly, Steve disagrees. 

And the proverbial cherry topping all this is that Clint is only catching about half the rant. Or he thinks it's half. 

Whatever, he can guess.

"Why didn't you listen to me, huh?! Is it so hard to listen? 'Don't move.' One of the easiest orders I've ever given! Jesus, Clint, if that bomb hadn't been a bit faulty, if Wanda hadn't..." 

Oh no.

Steve sinks into the chair next to Clint's bed and leans forward, putting his head in his hands. 

And, oh...

He's doing the sad look. Clint can deal with an angry Cap. Hell, he practically made it his life goal to piss off Steve as much as possible in his early years. He can deal with a self-righteous Cap. But have you ever seen a sad Steve Rogers? It's like hitting some little kid's dog with your car while the kid watches from the curb. You're terrible. You're a monster.

And Clint's always been a sucker for Steve's sad eyes. Any sad eyes, really, but Steve's in particular. 

"Clint," Steve says, "Come on, Avenger, talk to me. We've known each other how long?"

'Avenger'. Clint got that. It's the word he used to mouth to himself every day in front of a mirror, in awe that they'd allowed him of all people to call himself that. Clint would recognize that word anywhere.

Clint sucks in a breath. Steve's really pulling out all the stops, hitting where he knows it'll hurt.

"I-I mean, I'm..."

 _'Come on, you coward. Tell him_.'

"Steve, I..."

' _You owe the guy that much. You owe the team. You said you'd do it once it blew up in your face, well it's literally blown up in your face, Barton. Do it. Say it_.'

"I...can't..."

' _God freaking dammit._ '

"You, I mean, you'll think..."

"He'll think what, Barton?" Natasha asks from the doorway. Clint hadn't even noticed her come in. Well, that's not new though, it's Natasha. She stalks across the room to his bedside and just kind of looms.

"He'll think less of you? We all will? Jesus Christ, Clint, you went deaf fighting aliens and saving lives. It's not like you poked a pencil in there to see what it'd do."

Natasha holds a hand up to stop Clint's objection. Clint, for his part, can actually lip-read most of what's being said (Nat's standing pretty close) and he can infer the rest.

"I gave you a chance to tell everyone on your own time, but today was close. Too close. If you can't, then I will because goddammit I don't have too many friend's Clint. I'm not about to lose one of the only ones I've got because he'd rather die than admit he can't hear."

She turns to Steve.

"He's deaf, Cap. His hearing's been going for a long time, but that fall onto the car, you remember it, that was the last straw. It's almost all gone. He didn't listen to you today because he couldn't  _hear_ you."

The room is silent for a few minutes. Clint looks down at his hands, he can't bear to look up and see their faces, Steve's face. Mocking him. Pitying him. Telling him that he wasn't good enough to stand with them even with his hearing, what right does he have without it? Telling him that the Avengers are Earth's mightiest and that a deaf human car wreck just doesn't cut it. 

Suddenly, two fingers are under his chin, lifting his head up. Natasha's gone and Steve is speaking to him. Slowly and articulating every word.

"Stop. That. We. Will. Get. Through. This."

Clint shakes Steve off.

"Come off it, Rogers. You know the drill. Even during war, injured soldiers get pulled."

Steve grabs Clint by the chin this time, forcing Clint to look at him.

"Not. Just. A. Soldier. An. Avenger."

Clint doesn't say anything. Steve doesn't expect him to anyways. The two of them sit in silence for a bit.

"You," Clint says after a few minutes, "I-um-you think you'd let me tell everyone else? I figure I owe 'em a little something after that scare."

Steve nods.

"Cool. Great. Good. Yeah..."

' _Smooth, Hawkeye_.'

"Hey, um, sorry for the, you know."

Steve nods again.

"And, uh, thanks, Cap."

Steve claps a hand onto Clint's shoulder and smiles.

Clint smiles back.

"Wow," he says, "we're really having a moment. You  wanna bro-hug it out? Come on, Cap, don't be a bore. Bro-hugs are cool. They won't taint your manliness, I swear. I bro-hug and I'm still manly as hell."

Steve smiles even wider and the skin around his eyes crinkle up.

"Ruined. It."

"I'm good like that."

* * *

 

fin.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I work at a doctor's office and for all of you who don't know, traumatic anything is not pretty. There are medications an fittings for hearing aides and tests to make sure nothing else was damaged and future tests to make sure nothing else becomes damaged. And of course, if you're talking about the ear, there's infections to worry about and if you futzed up your inner ear then you are dizzy for until your body can manage to compensate. In my headcanon, Clint's dad caused a temporal bone fracture that healed up eventually but left his hearing messed up. Then, the sonic arrowhead he swallowed for Bobbi caused some noise induced hearing loss. Then, finally, the traumatic head injury he suffered during Fraction's run hurt his old fracture and also probably his inner ear and finally brought him down to 80-85% hearing loss. Keep in mind, it's fiction and I'm still in school so I'm not the foremost expert on this. Also, I'm aware that usually people do not suffer this many injuries. Clint's just lucky like that.


	2. Chapter 2

* * *

 

2\. In which Steve wonders why 'Hawkeye'

* * *

 

"Ms. Bishop? A moment please?"

And when Captain America calls, you just go. Even if you are Kate Bishop, rich girl heroine with an attitude. 

She waves goodbye to her fellow Young Avengers, who are all been at the tower overseeing some repairs for Jonas

"What's up, Cap?" Kate asks when the door to the common room of the Avenger's Tower shuts behind her. 

Steve motions for her to walk with him. Kate raises an eyebrow at him but acquiesces and falls in step. They walk side by side through the hallway, up two flights of stairs, and down another hallway until the pair reach a door. Steve stops and stars at the door, standing directly in front of it, Kate stands a little ways behind him. She peers over his shoulder to get a better look.

"Cap, you brought me all the way here to look at a door?"

Steve smiles.

"You're a lot like him, you know. The first Hawkeye. Anyone ever tell you about him?"

Kate looks shocked.

"N-no. I mean, I don't ask. Every time anyone brings him up, the room goes all quiet. From what I can tell he was a really cool guy. Everyone liked him."

Steve nods. 

"Yeah, that's true I guess. But not at first. Clint antagonized almost everyone at first, myself included. Clint almost never trusted anyone at first sight. Sure, he liked plenty of people. He'd have died for just about anyone, but trust came hard to Clint. At the beginning, I think it was his own insecurity, he saw everyone as a threat, as competition. Afterwards, it probably was still a bit of insecurity on his part to be honest, but afterwards it may have just been a thing he did. He was bad at trusting people just on principle, but once he decided you weren't so bad that was it, that's all it ever took; he'd die for you if you asked. And that's why in the end he ended up with more friends than almost anyone. He'd have loved you kids though, probably right after the Kang fight. Or right after you guys told me off at the mansion. Man, he'd have loved that."

Steve trails off at the end.

Over the course of the conversation, Steve had become more and more distant. Like he hadn't even been addressing Kate anymore, just talking to anyone who'd listen. 

His eyes snap back to Kate again suddenly. 

"You know, you reminded me of him the most when you were screaming at me at the hospital. Fiercely loyal and protective, always bucking authority, always desperate to do the right thing, and, if you were willing to listen, surprisingly right most of the time. Yeah. He'd have liked you just for the fact that you yelled at me."

"He..." Kate says, sounding confused, "He didn't like you? I mean, sorry, but from everything I've heard I just got the feeling he was one of your best friends, you know? And-and you had his bow and all."

"He was one of my best friends, Kate. And I was one of his, but good luck getting him to say that out loud. Clint... didn't do expression of feelings well. He could kiss and proclaim love all day as long as it was a passing thing or in the spirit of fun. But once you got to serious talks, he could never quite say exactly what he felt."

Kate thinks back on her own issues with Eli. 

"Yeah, I hear that."

"I figured as much. You really do remind me of him in some ways."

"Is that why you gave me the name?"

"A bit. I guess I also wanted to see another Hawkeye out there. It's... nice to  know he's remembered, that someone acknowledges what he did for the world and is inspired by it. But, if I may, why did you say yes? I mean, I knew Clint. I remember him as a hero, but most people don't even remember he was an Avenger. So..."

"So why 'Hawkeye'?" Kate finishes for Steve. She sucks in a deep breath and thinks over her next words carefully. Clearly giving her the title meant something to the man standing in front of her, and goddammit Kate wants to get this right. If not for herself and her right to keep her new name, then for Captain America. Because she could tell, this is someone who wants to know he's done the right thing. That he gave his dead friend's name to the right person. The only one who can give Steve Rogers 100% absolution is dead. And in this scenario, Kate doesn't mind being the next best thing. 

"I was... in a  _bad_ place before, once upon a time. It was around the time Hawkeye, Clint, started catching the public's eye. He was brash, talented. He was a hero, there were boys in my school who aspired to be him. But for every kid who wanted to be the next Hawkeye, there was some  _FOX_ news anchor ragging on him for being a 'no good criminal' or not being good enough to stand with the Avengers. It helped, somehow. Our situations were nothing similar, but it helped to know that there was someone else who was in it a bad way before, and now that someone was an Avenger. And he didn't have to become a super soldier (no offence) or discover hidden super powers. He could just be good, do good, the way he started. And he dragged himself out of that bad place right to the top. It felt... it felt less like a story, you know? Because no matter how it's told, Thor's story or Iron Man's story or even your story, they all sound so surreal. And all of you came out  _more_ than you were before, untouchable. But Hawkeye didn't. He shot arrows before and he shot arrows after. The difference was the outlook. He could have let what happened to him destroy him, could have stayed a crook, but he didn't let it. It just felt good to know that that kind of person is Avenger material."

"And when I met the guys and Cassie, I thought that maybe  ** _I_** could be Avenger material too. I mean, one plain old human made it, why not me too?"

Steve doesn't say anything, instead he opens the door and switches on the light.

Inside is a clutter of items. Boxes upon boxes of stuff. There's one open one that seems to be filled to the brim with take-out menus. 

"This was Clint's stuff," Steve says, "What we could salvage, at least. He was a hoarder, we used to rag on him about it. Believe it or not, this is only about half his stuff. Clint never could throw any of it away."

Steve steps inside, Kate right behind him.

"We kept it because we couldn't bear to throw it away after.... He was a very unique individual, Clint. He'd never admit it, but he assigned importance to every single one of his things. Some of it didn't make sense. He'd keep take-out menus from places that closed down a long time ago. He couldn't throw them away because he used to go there every Saturday or because he knew the owner or he just couldn't because it was _his_. And now we can't. We've tried, but every time we'd come across something and one of us would remember a story from long ago or some ridiculous reason why Clint insisted on keeping something."

Kate rocks back on her heels, unsure of why she's even here. This whole room feel personal. All the stuff here feels important, now that she knows who it belonged to. 

"I wanted you to know a bit more about him, Kate. The guy you're taking up after. He was a hero, but he was Clint too."

Kate honestly considers leaving. This whole "taking up the mantle" thing was a lot easier when Clint Barton was just Hawkeye. Now, it kind of feels wrong. It feels wrong to be here talking to **his** best friend in **his** colors looking through **his** stuff while holding **his** bow. It kind of feels like a violation.

"I'm-I'm not Clint Barton, Cap," Kate says before she can think too much about what she's saying, "I never wanted to be. I wanted to be a hero. I don't want to be him. I want to stand up for what he stood up for and represent what he represented, but I can't tell you what to do with this stuff and I can't help you get rid of it. I didn't even know the guy, Cap. But I know he left this with you. He'd probably want you to choose what to do with it."

_"Omigod Kate, what kind of a shitty comfort was that supposed to be?"_

Steve smiles sadly.

"Yeah, I know. I just wanted you to see it. The rest of you team have such personal connections to their heroes. I just wanted you to have something as well, I guess."

Kate nods. She turns to leave when something catches her eye.

"Um, is this his too?" she asks, holding up a literal dress between two fingers. It's a dress. A tiny, purple dress. And even on her slight frame, it'd be skimpy. It's the kind of dress she'd wear to a bar to pick up dudes. 

And oh my god, there's a matching headband.

Steve, to Kate's surprise, explodes with laughter.

"I, um, I take it you never paid attention to all of Hawkeye's costume changes?"

"No..." Kate says, "Why?"

Still laughing, Steve puts a hand on Kate's shoulder and leads her out.

"Come on, Hawkeye. There's bound to be some old pictures somewhere in the Tower. No doubt Clint destroyed all of his, but I think I managed to keep some."

* * *

 

_fin._

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes, this was a hit on Clint's 70's fashion choices.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Story 4 is inspired by an awesome drawing on tumblr by when-it-rains-it-snows. Seriously, check her stuff out. 
> 
> [http://when-it-rains-it-snows.tumblr.com/post/65661032324/clints-been-dead-hes-been-a-murderous-spider]

* * *

 

3\. Let's face it, Clint is a dog.

* * *

 

If Clint Barton were an animal, he'd be a dog. Kate is 100% sure of it.

An abused and hurt and battered beyond belief puppy. 

He'd be slow to trust humans again, much like most dogs who have been abused by assholes before, but he'd still be "man's best friend". He'd still like people and grass and walks and sunshine, but he'd be wary too. He'd like people who were good to him but due to his experiences, he'd probably snap a lot at the "hand that feeds him" more than once. 

But he'd be sorry.

And he'd be so so terribly loyal. He'd be that chihuahua that scared off the alligator when his owner fell in a ditch. Or that dog that sensed its owner's illness and ran to the hospital. 

He'd jump around for half a day, barking at anything that moved, and laze about for the other half, sleeping and eating and generally being a big furry blob. 

And he'd do shit like track mud into the house or sit on your laptop and break it, but you wouldn't even be able to be mad for long because all he wanted was to show you this cool thing he found while digging around or just wanted his belly scratched. Like, even when he pulls bullshit, he'd be doing what his little doggy instincts told him was right, and he'd be so sad the second the words "bad dog" left your mouth. 

And he'd probably be the kind of dog who'd strain against his leash to the point of choking in order to get a sniff at some stranger passing by. Or he'd strain at the leash just for the hell of it--because he wants to go  _this way_ dammit and no one is going to stop him.

He'd hoard toys, even ones that are misshapen beyond recognition, and refuse to play with new ones at first because those are  _his_ toys and he's not abandoning them just because that new rubber ball is generally better all around. 

(but, of course, eventually the new toys would somehow be assimilated into his mountain of drool covered doggy toys and before you know it, those new toys are  _his_ too)

And he'd probably be the kind of dog who'd charge at a crazy guy with a gun to save his owner. 

He'd be the kind that'd make a great therapy dog. 

So yeah, if Clint Barton were any animal, he'd be a dog. Trust her, Kate knows.

* * *

 

4\. Clint is a half horse and it's only been 3 hours and already no one can deal with this send help

* * *

 

Steve is greeted over the phone by the sound of... galloping hooves?

<< _NEIGH NEIGH MOTHERFUCKERS! >>_

Hooooookay then...

"Tony?" Steve says tentatively into the phone, "Tell me you didn't give in and actually buy Clint a pony..."

<< _Better, Cap! So much better! >>_

There are sounds of s struggle and the phone drops a couple of times. Steve holds it away from his ear, but close enough that he can be graced with an answer when Tony finally wrestles the phone away from the resident marksman.

<< _Gimme that, you stupid carnie menace-- Hi! Steve, I can honestly say that, um, no. That's not what's happening._ >>

"So, what is happening?"

<< _Better I show you._ >>

* * *

 

Steve is actually speechless. He usually has a few speeches handy. Some stuff about patriotism. A nice sentence or two about freedom. Steve's good at on the fly talks. But he's speechless.

"Hey, Cap," Clint calls, rushing towards Steve, who is in the process of slowly and tentatively entering Avenger's Mansion. This causes the other man to take a step back.

"Isn't this awesome?!"

"Not," Steve clears his throat before continuing, "Not really the word I was looking for, Hawkeye..."

Clint is.. a horse.

Or a centaur. 

He's half horse, okay? 

From the hips down, where there should be pretty little archer legs, there's a horse's body. Sandy in color, a bit like Clint's hair except a little less blonde, four long horse legs, and a tail swishing back and forth and back and forth.

"They gave me a tail!"

"Yes, Clint. I see that."

Steve takes a deep breath. Clint frolics away and clears Tony's dining room table on his way to the elevator.

"Would someone like to tell me who is responsible for this disaster?"

"Hawkeye saw Captain Marvel about to be hit by this magic voodoo thing from our bad guy. He tried to intercept at the source, but the guy managed to get him instead. Now he's half a horse," Jessica Drew reports from her spot on the couch. She's laying there with a pillow on her face that muffles her words, trying to block out the rest of the world. 

"He freaked out for about half an hour," Natasha says. She's attempting to right the crooked pictures hanging on the walls.

"And whined for another half," Logan says. He looks almost impressed by the carnage done to the Mansion.

"Laughed for, like, two hours straight," Peter supplies from his hiding spot on the ceiling. 

" **And then promptly decided that he'd be an asshole about this entire thing!** " 

Tony Stark storms out of the elevator. His hair is frazzled and he looks as close to crying as Steve has ever seen him.

"Tony," Sam says, trailing after Tony as he exits the elevator, "calm down, man."

"Calm down? Calm down?!  _Look at my house, Falcon! I pay for this! I'm going to have to pay for all of this!_ "

"Well," Sam says, "to be fair, if it weren't for you and your 'science' the spell would have worn off by now."

"Look, how was I supposed to..."

"You had Wanda telling you it was a bad idea the entire way back to the mansion," Natasha cuts in, " _Stephen Strange_ showed up  **just** to tell you not to screw with the spell. _The Sorcerer Supreme came to your room to tell you not to do a thing, Tony. And you still did it._ "

"As far as I'm concerned, this is mostly your fault," Wanda says, sipping her tea at the remains of the bar, "I told you not to do it. I told you it'd prolong our agony. And what did you say?"

"Ah yes, I remember. ' _Relax, Wanda. How bad can it be?_ ' And now Clint is a stuck as a centaur for  **thirteen days**!"

"Well," Tony says, "he certainly doesn't seem to mind."

" **Tony he can't move without crashing into things. Human beings are not part horse for a** **reason. _This. Is. A. Disaster._** "

An crash followed by an explosion dramatically emphasizes Wanda's point.

Steve is pretty sure he does not want to know what just broke, except whatever it was just exploded and it just shook the entire building a little so that probably means he's going to have to deal with it sooner or later.

Tony looks like he wants to cry. Or kill Clint. Steve just wishes these idiots had left him in the ice.

* * *

 

_fin._

* * *

 


End file.
